Well not much has been happening lately. Friday, Brent and I went to Panera Bread for dinner. Saturday early morning Brent left early morning to go visit with his brother Matt and a friend from wayyyy back, who is about to go on a mission. So he is still up in Orlando having fun with them, he said he is having lots of fun.
So yesterday since i was carless I rode my bike to the library and a friend of mine/ a few other people left me messages telling me that a best friend of mine from middle school overdoesed on drugs and died a few days ago. Her name was Carly DeVage, she is from Abbottstown. She was my first friend when I went to New Oxford middle, we were both new and didn't know many people. Needless to say, if you knew me then, I was NOTHING but trouble. Me and her got ourselves in so much crap it was ridiculous, suspensions, detentions, and all that crap...... but to me it was like 7th grade. I knew 7th/8th grade didn't realllyyy matter and I still had years to pull myself to together. We were a tag team haha... my mom actually wrote the school principal, or whoever she wrote to say that we were not to communicate, so we passed notes constantly and skipped class together whenever we could. Then at the end of my 8th grade year, my mom pulled me from school into a cyber school because I got the last suspension she said that I would ever get and I got kicked off the cheerleading squad for stuff me, Carly, and a girl Danielle Smith did. So me and Carly go way back... she was always a smart girl that just got into the wrong shit time and time again. I got pulled from the situation (New Oxford High School), but she didn't and look where she turned out. She has a 10 month old son and shes gone. Most of my other friends from school are either pregnant, have kids, drug problems, or just never got off their ass and did anything with themselves. Needless to say, I am happy to be where I am. And I wish when I left, New Oxford I could have taken her with me. That school is down hill in a handbasket and it gets worse everyday. After I had time to absorb it all, I just feel like there is something else I could have done to get her out of there... not that what happened can be blamed on that school, but seriously the kids there are no good (most of them) and the drugs in that school are ridiculous... God only knows where I would of been if I would have stayed. And when I left in 8th grade I got better, me and Brent got together and now we are married and we live in a beautiful apartment and are really happy. When I left Carly in 8th grade, she got worse friends in worse shit and then she got pregnant, then she died. It's weird that even though I haven't talked to her in about a year except for maybe running into her in the mall and saying hi... her being gone would stir up so much in me. I am just grateful to have what I have and am soooo sorry for not trying a little bit harder to pull her out with me, and i am so sorry she is gone.
sad post today. sorry.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
from the leah
Posted by .... at 10:26 AM
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3 comments:
I wish I was there so I could give you a hug Leah. It was hard to watch you & Carly together because I knew the path you were both going on. Every time someone doubts my choice for homeschooling you & Josh I look back on where you were headed. Now I don't even have to look back. This is so, so sad. I cannot imagine how her parents must feel or how you must feel. BUT, you must know that there truly was nothing you could have done. Her choices were her's & her's alone. You couldn't have "taken her with you". Honey, you were just a child yourself. Well, I must go now. Some little person is singing, "Leah, leah, leah" in the shower. You still have plenty of people who are counting on you that you can help, & they love you so much!
Leah,
I read your post the other day and have postponed (procrastinated?!) writing to you because of the feelings it brought up in me. Let me explain.
I have lost more "friends" to death than family. It's weird, really, but true. My first experience of losing a friend was in 6th grade. My friend and her family were driving home from the mountains, during Christmas break, and their vehicle lost control on a snowy road (yes, it snows in Arizona!) and toppled. They were all killed. I was a friend of hers, but not "close", but I remember the first feelings ever of the grief of losing someone to death. I went to the funeral with some friends and it was weird that she was gone.
Then came late high school. A friend of our family committed suicide. TOTALLY different experience. By now, I understand the implications and the emotions associated with death and suicide. I'll never forget how 'calm' I felt with my grief, at the funeral. There, I was reassured that our Heavenly Father understood what he was going through (the friend was about 2 years younger than I was and had gone through a lot of crap). He would not be judged the same way with suicide, as if I had killed someone out of anger (I know, hard visual, but hear me out!). It was the first time I realized just how individual we are in God's eyes. I'm not trying to get all churchy or anything, but just how I dealt with these deaths.
Then came my best of bestest friend Lynette. I was in college and long story short, she died 3 years later of melnoma skin cancer. I will always feel a special closeness to her. Our friendship was taken to a whole 'nother level because of what we shared during those last few weeks, days and hours of her life.
What I'm trying to share with you is the fact that even in your anger and frustration of where she was in life at her time of death, remember that a) you can live your life to make sure she can be proud of YOU...b) God is a kind God and as any parent loves and grieves at the decisions their child makes, He surely wraps his arms around her now and loves her all the same.
I know you probably don't like hearing churchy stuff from me, but I hope you can at least know that your feelings are valid and so many of us feel your hurt through this...even if you haven't spoken to her in years, your pain over it is real.
Be grateful that you changed your "ways"...be grateful that you have a mother that was prompted to do what she did to pull you from the situation and guide you on a better path.
Wow...okay. End of story!
Leah:
This is carlys mom. You might not be satisfied with carlys life. I got my daughter back in the nine months she was pregnant with caleb. She was fine up to her birthday weekend. She was depressed. She felt she had no friends and reached out to the wrong people. She was very happy to start her life with joe and her life at hacc in harrisburg. We loved her very much. We miss her everyday. I can hear her laughter. She wrote a english paper on resilience and the people around her. If you go on her myspace video. You will hear her laughter too. If you want a copy of her paper. email me. ginalab@excite. Carly was much deeper than people knew. She only let few people to her heart.
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